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Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I share insights and advice from my experience as a woman of color leader championing values-driven leadership and preparing for the future of social impact.

75% of social impact leaders are in survival mode

Over the past few months, 205 of your social impact peers have taken my Nervous System Leadership Quiz.

Here's what the data shows:

🥊 31% are in Fight Mode - Your nervous system's strategy of protection through vigilance. Heightened awareness of threats, quick to defensiveness, always ready to push back.

🥸 17% are in Fawn Mode - Your nervous system's strategy of protection through appeasement. Saying yes when you mean no, difficulty setting boundaries, prioritizing everyone else's comfort.

🥶 16% are in Freeze Mode - Your nervous system's strategy of protection through shutdown. Difficulty starting tasks, brain fog, feeling stuck even when you care deeply.

🏃🏿‍♀️ 11% are in Flight Mode - Your nervous system's strategy of protection through movement. Constant restlessness, difficulty settling, always keeping options open.

🌸 Only 25% are Relatively Grounded - Access to steady presence under stress, ability to recover relatively quickly.

That means 75% of leaders have nervous systems operating in protective mode.

These aren't dysfunctions. This is your body's intelligence. Each pattern makes sense given what you've navigated—chronic instability, power imbalances, impossible circumstances, systems not built for you.

Earlier this week, I watched that data come to life.

Twenty-three leaders met online from seven timezones. 7am in California. 8:30pm in India.

Multiple people got emotional within the first 30 minutes.

By the end, people were saying:

• "I feel like I found my people."
• "Kindred spirits."
• "I'm not alone."
• “I found the community I was looking for.”
• “I’m on my way to being liberated.”

This was the first-ever Flourish Fiesta—our launch gathering for the only low-cost, membership community that explicitly centers women and underrepresented social impact leaders from the Global Majority.

One moment from those 90 minutes changed how I see leadership.

We did breakout conversations. People chose what they needed most right now.

Not what they should need. Not what looks professional. What they actually needed.

The options:

• Holding - being seen and heard
• Spaciousness - room to breathe, rest
• Solidarity - collective action
• Strategy - thinking differently about work
• Skills - practical tools

Here's what happened:

• 7 chose Holding
• 6 chose Spaciousness
• 4 chose Solidarity
• 2 chose Strategy
• 0 chose Skills

Zero.

Let that land.

These weren't early-career professionals. These were accomplished leaders running organizations, leading teams, driving systemic change.

And not one person prioritized tactical skills.

Instead, they chose: To be held. To breathe. To not feel alone.

In a second round focused on strategy, 10 out of 19 chose career resilience and sustainability. Not scale. Sustainability.

Here's What I'm Sitting With

The isolation in social impact work isn't just professional. It's deeply personal.
​And especially so for women and non-binary people of the Global Majority.

We talk a lot about burnout and resilience. We talk far less about loneliness.

And we rarely name this part: healing doesn't happen only in our heads.

It happens when our bodies feel safe. When our identities are respected. When our full selves are welcome.

What I've Been Learning About My Own Nervous System

I'm not exempt from any of this.

What actually helps my nervous system settle? Eating healthy. Getting good sleep. Drinking water. Taking deep breaths. Daily walks. Prayer. Time in nature. Playing with my pup. Chatting with neighbors. Deep conversations with my partner. Connecting with friends and loved ones—even just a voice note or text.

Not because they're productive. Because they signal to my body: you're safe. You're connected. You're not alone.

The basics are true (we're all human), but your nervous system may need different things than mine right now. I'm just guessing it's not asking for another productivity hack.

Social and Relational Healing as Leadership

What happened in those breakout rooms wasn't networking.

It was what happens when people who've been holding it together finally find safety. When someone says "me too."

This is social and relational healing. And it's not separate from leadership. It IS leadership.

When your nervous system is in protective mode—whether fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—your body isn't asking for strategy. It's asking for safety.

To be held. To have space to breathe. To know you're not alone.

You can't think your way out of a protective response. You need relational pathways to safety. Co-regulation. The experience of being with others who signal safety.

Why This Matters for 21st Century Leadership

Here's what we keep getting wrong: we treat protective nervous system responses as individual problems requiring individual solutions.

Better time management. More self-care. Resilience training. Another productivity system.

But you can't individually solve what's actually a collective nervous system issue.

When 75% of leaders are operating from protective modes, that's not 150 individual failures. That's systemic.

The systems many of us work in—especially in social impact—chronically activate protective responses. They weren't designed to sustain us. They were designed to extract from us.

And healing from that doesn't happen in isolation. It happens in relationship.

Mid- to senior leaders navigating transitions, grief, and responsibility—often quietly.

This isn't about lowering the bar. It's about creating the conditions to show up whole.

Social and relational healing is leadership infrastructure for the 21st century.

Not a nice-to-have. Infrastructure.

Because we can't thrive in isolation. We never could.

What Your Nervous System Might Be Asking For

These protective patterns aren't random—they make sense given what you've navigated.

👉 Fight Mode: Environments where you don't have to constantly guard yourself.
​👉 Flight Mode: Permission to land. To be still without feeling trapped.
​👉 Freeze Mode: Gentle activation without pressure to have it figured out.
​👉 Fawn Mode: Holding from people who value you for who you are, not what you do.
​👉 Grounded: Protect the conditions that sustain your regulation.

And regardless of where you are: your body is asking for community that signals safety, not more individual coping strategies.

What You Can Do This Weekend

1. Notice where you feel safe. Who are the people, what are the spaces, where does your nervous system settle?
2. Do one small thing that signals safety: Call someone who makes you feel seen. Move your body. Step outside. Say no to something that depletes you.
3. And only if it feels right, take the Nervous System Leadership Quiz - 3 minutes to pause and notice what your nervous system has been telling you.

Your nervous system isn't asking for perfection. It's asking for connection.

Because struggling doesn't mean you're not cut out for this work. And finding your people isn't a "nice to have." It's movement building.

Wishing you a gentle weekend,
Maya

P.S. - Please feel free to forward this to someone who needs to hear it. Sometimes knowing our protective responses are normal—and shared—is the beginning of finding our way through 🌸

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