Hi Reader,

In September, I hosted a birthday party, celebrated a dear friend, and kept a secret for months to surprise my mother-in-law for her 75th.

By October, I was behind on work, apologizing constantly, and crash napping for the first time in years.

Every one of those moments was full of love. And in almost every one, I was the host.

It got me thinking about connection, and about how many of us treat it as the reward for our work instead of part of it.

Connection is not the reward. It's the infrastructure.

Most of us learned to treat connection as what we get after the work is done. The dinner after the deadline. The call with a friend once the report is in. Community as a treat we earn.

The evidence says otherwise. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory finding that a lack of social connection raises the risk of early death about as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Connection isn't a soft extra in a healthy life. It's load-bearing.

The same is true in leadership. In the Building Movement Project's research, 41 percent of executive directors of color who planned to leave named burnout as their top reason, compared with 31 percent of white leaders. The same research found that leaders of color receive far less support from both their predecessors and leaders in other organizations than white executive directors do.

Read those two findings together: less support in, more burnout out.

That's why I keep saying that what most of us lack isn't competence. It's peer infrastructure built for the specific weight we carry.

But not all connection fills the cup

This is the nuance that took me all of September to learn.

My September was full of people I love. I had my first-ever birthday bash. I celebrated a friend who never celebrates herself. My partner and I spent months planning and then the past weekend traveling to surprise my mother-in-law for her 75th birthday. We threw her the biggest party surrounded by friends and family, endless cake on a lake in Virginia, and it was such a blessing to be able to celebrate her. (It's also why you didn't hear from me last Sunday.)

By the end of the month, I was behind on work, apologizing constantly, and taking crash naps for the first time in years. As a neurodivergent people person, I can overflow on the very things that nourish me.

When I looked closer, I noticed something. In almost every one of those moments, I was the host or co-host: the planner, the secret-keeper, the one making sure everyone else felt celebrated. That was beautiful, and it was also labor.

I don't think that pattern is only mine. Researchers call part of it the emotional tax: the chronic vigilance and disproportionate caregiving that women of color carry, at work and at home. Many of us are the connectors for everyone else. Far fewer of us have a place where we're held.

So here's a question for you this week:

Where am I the host, and where am I held?

Make two lists. If the first is long and the second is nearly empty, that isn't a personal failing. It's a design problem, and design problems can be redesigned.

What being held looks like

The day after I got back, I started a free, public workshop 10 minutes late. I'd lost track of time, which is my neurodivergence in action, and I was mortified.

About 25 people had shown up on time, and they waited graciously. Nobody needed me to perform. So I gave myself the same grace, and we made up the time together.

That's what Flourish is built for: a room where you don't have to explain yourself, host everyone, or hold it all alone.

It shows up in what members tell us. Through our community data, we've found:

• Members who feel grounded under pressure rose from 30% to 47%.
• Members experiencing an active stress response dropped from 70% to 53%.
• Members' confidence navigating power dynamics rose from 5.3 to 7.0 out of 10.
• 90% of members consistently renew after their first season.

This is early, self-reported data from one community, which is why we're partnering on independent research to test it rigorously. More on that soon.

It also shows up in the connections real members make with each other:

🪸 Join Cohort 4 before Wednesday, October 7

We are 62+ members across 25 countries and six continents:

✔️ 15 live events per quarter: workshops, guest speaker AMAs, peer coaching, peer learning, co-working, and accountability circles
✔️ Flourish Fiesta 🎉 to open the season, a member spotlight to connect, and a storytelling gathering to close it
✔️ 24/7 Circle community platform with 40+ event replays and every toolkit we've made

Cohort 4 starts November 1. Join by Wednesday, October 7 at 11:59pm EDT, and starting October 21, you'll get:

• a 1:1, 30-minute welcome call with me
• a special introduction to current members
• full access to our event replays and resource library with everything you missed in Seasons 1, 2, and 3
• our 24/7 Circle platform so you can start connecting before the cohort begins, and
• a special invitation to an intimate guest speaker AMA with Jessica Oddy-Atuona on October 28.

Use code SUPERBIRD20 for 20% off. It's our biggest discount ever, and the same rate our founding members got.

It's valid for the first 15 people or through October 7 whichever comes first. So don't delay!

Investment: $85 $68/quarter | $255 $204/year (annual savings of 25% - less than $4/week)

Employed? Use this professional development request template to get your membership funded.
​Need a scholarship? Reply with your situation. Spots are limited. Decisions made by Tuesday, October 20.

Warmly,

Maya 🧡

P.S. If your "where I'm held" list came up short this week, this is exactly what Flourish is for. Any questions? Just reply. I'm happy to help.

*I used one fictitious name above upon request of the testimonial giver.

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💛 Hecho con amor en el archipiélago de Puerto Rico 🇵🇷 | 1607 Avenida Ponce de Léon, GM6 PMB165, San Juan, Puerto Rico 00909